A weekend with Dior

It was a weekend with dior

Well, I wont tell much about how its going but I believe every people you met in this life will bring you a lesson to learned.

I had a quiet weekend two weeks ago in Bali. Was visiting the un-usual place. Im not go to the crowd (well, actually I like a quiet place indeed). I just spent my weekend with sitting at the five star hotel’s restaurant, having a pineapple juice, watching the people jump at the pool, laying my self in couch while expecting the wind will blow my hairs slowly. Unfortunately not much wind that days in Ubud. Second day, I went for massage in one of the nice hotel in canggu area and having my brunch in front of echo beach while smell the beach and feel the breeze that blown me away. Was a very great landscape to see everyday.

But You know what, I had a problem with “relaxing”. Strange isn’t it? I feel like my mind can’t stop running of thinking. And I felt it so bad. This month really exhausted for me since I just back from Bangkok – Surabaya – Kuala Lumpur. Yes, I did all the trip for travelling. And as usual, my trip always tiring even its fun. In the end, I ll spend nearly my time at work and airport .

When I got an offer to have a relaxing weekend in Bali, I took that chance. Well indeed it’s a relaxing weekend but emotionally stressful for me. Relaxing because my time is really not in a plan so im not in a rush. Stressful because I need to deal with someone who is opposite from me. But I ve learned many things there that I would like to share with you here.

My friend is an artist. He is a well-known gardener (landscape) who collaborate with many top artist nd he design many nice landscape for a big nice project company. I could say that he is a very educated with his strong of character. Everything is really organize and clean. He has style, knowledge and taste. But we had see life in our different way. Im not say that he s wrong either im right, I just wanna share about how different people see something. And im sure all of us has our own point of view in everything. Sometimes we re keep holding our point of view to tight, and would like to listen to other about it.

With my relaxing weekend, I found out many things about life that I learned from him. I see what I don’t want to be. I heard what I should start think about it. I believe people cross our path in life to give you something if you are really open your heart to see it. And here some points I would like to share :

1. Not everyone think the way you think. 4 + 5 = 9, either 3 + 6 = 9. We have our own way to see something but don’t let it become your standars.

2. Its really good to have your own standard but I believe in this life we need to adjust and compromise with many things. It wont lower your standard but it will teach you how people’s think about it.

3. Never ever say think you don’t mean it. Doesn’t mean I cant express my self well. Since many people easy to say things they wont keep. So I learn to use my word WISELY not NICELY.

4. Being organize is a good thing but doesn’t mean un-organized is a bad things. Let life surprise you. Have a dirty side. Play un-organized stuff. Have fun. Laugh. Scream. Talk loud. Go get a shit food. Jump in the crowd. This is life.. enjoy it. At least experience it even once.

5. Taking care your self doesn’t mean “taking care” so you wont get sick. Its more on taking care of you mentally, spiritually and physically. I always think “taking care” is a form of “good shape” -> not sick. But I was wrong. Make a peace of mind is a taking care also. I really misunderstood about this for many years. And now im in the progress of taking care of my self and I hope you do also.

6. Simple things in our daily routines will make big change. Whatever it is. Maybe clean up your place, taking a night shower, cook your own meal, read your books. Anything that makes you happy, do not stop doing that. I used to like to cook and bake, I called it like my therapy, but since 4 years ago, I stop doing that. I stop many activities that remind me to my past. I try to change “me” but im failed. Im not get better, I just get stucked in life.

7. Everyone has their own past. You can just expect someone to forget their past cause however it’s a part of their life. I believe people has their own way to express them self, be nice with them. Stop judging them. You never be in their shoes, then no need to make any conclusion. They do not need it.

8. Just because someone cant react exactly what you’re expected, doesn’t mean they are stupid. Some people needs more time to digest the information and react on it. Don’t make your self as a big standard to everyone. You ll be disappointed.

9. I believe manner, attitude and humanity are not something you can get from your high education. It’s the way you react and accept life. Im quite sad to see many people with high educational background, having a good manner and attitude but poor in humanity. If we see people based on their social status, how much money they have in bank account, how good their position in their work, how kind of car they ride, how big the house is, what kind of brand they put on.. I think its not fair to them. Your success cant be compare with someone else’s success. Just because you are rich in your age, its not a measurement of other. Be wise and you ll be rich in humanity.

10. Last but not least, people always ask me what im good at. Whats my job. Whats my passion. Recently I just can say, I wanna be useful for other. I wanna be happy in present. I wanna touch other’s people life, encourage them, inspired them. I know im not good enough but im still learning to be better than I was. Simple thing I ve learned in this life, if you cant say something good to other, you better not say any word.

Well, I wish you a good heart to live your big life. This world needs more a good heart people who could say a good words to make this a better worlds.

Kiss kiss,


She Talked About Heartache


We meet again and this time with different point of view. Topic I wanna share today is about heartache. Well, it could happen to anyone in any age. Since heartache is a result of expectation. Do we both agree on this ?

i wont talk about my situation, I just wanna share some possibilities that will happen during this period of expectation. Some of friends contacted me directly asking for an advice about their current situation and I open my self for that (you can always come to me and I ll be your ears).

As I wrote on my previous one about “DIVORCE”, there are some stage you cant just jump out and forward it. And “heartache” is one of that point. There will be time when you cant hide you loneliness. A moment you wont be able to hold your tears of falling down.. a ”useless” feeling you cant resist. A trust issue that’s fill your mind or even a sarcastic answer about a new relationship (well, I ve been in that stage :P).

Then how we could keep survive on this situation ? well, the key if “acceptance”. The more we reject it, the more it will hurt you. At this point, the key person is you. The main advice is your heart. The main key is your brain. I wont say it will goes smooth and easy. Your mind will keep break all the “good things” you said to your self. Your mind will reject all the “motivational wise quotes” you keep feeding your self.

Well, take your time. Give your self a day or two to be drown in this situation. I guess it’s normal. You are not a super heroes or the captain marvel from the avenger ;). Don’t hide your feeling, let it go. Let it flow.. let the tears drop.. let the pillow become wet.. play the sad song playlist. Turn on your aromatic candle. You may scream, you may cries loud.. at this stage, you can do whatever you want. BUT, don’t let it control you. Don’t let it hurt other. Don’t decide anything. Don’t think about what will happen for the next 2 days. Because this is the unfinished chapter between you and your heart. Don’t let anyone in and don’t blame on other.

So, how its feel like to be “USELESS” in a real situation? Worse isn’t it? And its feel so bad to let your feeling controls your life. Well, I know how its feel. I wont write this if I haven’t feel it. But I get through this also. The greatest cure about this feeling is to forgive your self for feeling all of those things. That’s nothing wrong with you. Even a doctor needs a doctor. Feeling broken and heartache is not a loss. Feeling is not like a gamble. There is no “win” or “lose”. Its only about “learn” and “acceptance”.

One thing for sure, don’t hold your “feeling” too much. I’ve learn that FEELING is TEMPORARY.

Sadness is temporary

Happiness is temporary

Useless is temporary

Angry is temporary

Hating is temporary

Don’t let the “temporary” things control your life. Its not worth it. Cry if you need. Angry if you feel better about it. Hate if you feeling that. But please, don’t let it control you. Don’t let it hurt other. Don’t let it WIN over you.

Since life is about sometimes, enjoy the proccess



Let’s surf 2018

Finally i know what im going to share in 2018. As you know its more like writing, its about something i see, something i heard.. kind of daily routine.

Im visiting Bali this time and find a new thing about what life already have. For the first time i joined my friend for surfing, kind of sport that a bit dangerous in my thought but so surprise many people willing to do that. Remember the movie “the shallows”?

It never cross my mind to do surfing or other risky sport / activity before.

For them, being free in this universe, while they need to count on their self, aware with what will happen to them and see thing clearly, it teach me something.

Well back to my writing, i observed and do some little interview with some people about this. And here come my conclusion.

1. Like surfing, you’re all alone in this universe and you re the one who need to make thing happen.

2. Surfing is about patient. About waiting. About reflection. To get a good wave, you need to wait and be patient. Same like life it self, to get a good thing in life, sometimes you need to wait and be patient. Nothing instant in this world.

3. Surfing teach you how to use your chance right. When you get a good wave, you need to use it wisely. Like in life, when you get a good chance you wont leave it run away that way. You need to use it cause u might not have it back again.

4. A good wave maybe only exist for 10-15second. Well, a good chance sometimes come too fast. You need to focus to really use that 10seconds. 10 seconds that might change your life. Surfing teach us even a second can change our life.. even a second could bring joy in to our life.

5. To stand on your surfing board, you need to be focus. Cause u might flip it around. Same like in life, to really get what you want and use your chance well, you need to be focus. Cause only doing good wont gv you great result if you are not focusing on it.

Well, im not sport lover or addict. The hardest question for me is “whats your fav sport?”. I consider my self as a life’s observer. A person who can do nothing at all.. a person who could see a little thing in life and write down it. A person who open for any possibilities in life and share it.

Im not good at sport but maybe you re not see what i see either.

Have a good weekend lovely people, share the joy and enjoy the little things in life. Cause when you are notice about it, you ll realise that all you need is already there in this universe.

She talked about DIVORCE

She talked about Divorce

Well, its kind of bad topic to talk about but hey.. some people are dealing with this right now. And why i put on this topic because i ve been through it. Yes, honestly and openly i did it.

Many people who care about me always ask me if im Okay .. if im doing well .. if I’m not depressed .. if im not stress.. cause my ex husband already has a girlfriend (even when we are not divorce yet).. well, i just wanna say i am happier and peaceful right now.

Kind of weird isnt it ? And if u ask me, do i hate my ex husband right now ? I dont know what to say.. feeling come and go.. when i feel that i hate him, im not gonna pretend like im not and when i feel that we are good, i dont wanna feel that i hate him.. and i guess its normal at this time.

People said I’m in a healing process. They said i need to move on.. they said i need more time to figure it out.. they said I’m in traumatic event.. that i need to go and find a new one.. well, they could say whatever they wanna say.. but i know deep inside my heart, I’m 90% Okay with my self and condition.

Why was that ?

Because.. if i have time capsule to go back to that time and live the old life, i will choose the same way. There should be nothing to regret in every decision we made. Yes, it wont easy but i believe i can get through this.

Many people assumed that our divorce is caused by another person. Well, its just a small part of it, the biggest reason is because i don’t think I’m happy with my marriage.

Then why we are married ?

Married is a higher relationship of 2 people who are legally registered in a law & church department. But i think its not the highest. The highest state of relationship is when 2 people are willing to put the other’s need/want over them selves. Not easy huh ?

And i don’t think we can do that and its makes our marriage life is unhappy. It took me few years to decided for divorce. Some people think that I’m stupid because of my age. But other positively think that is the best decision for my self. Don’t think its an easy decision or even an easy life during the divorce’s process.

Why ?

Cause i believe even a bad marriage is still a marriage. Even a bad relationship is still a relationship. Memories and years you spent together wont just disappear with only one paper. Thats why I’m just enjoying the process.

What makes me strong to live my life ?

Well, believe or not, i am happier and peaceful. I slept well every night. I less worry about thing that not happened yet. Im not assumed about the bad thing. I live my life freely.

Luckily, I’m financially independent. And yes, i am independent in many things. So my divorce doesn’t effect much on my personal life. Thats my biggest score in my divorce.

Being independent and financially free are the best medicine to live my divorce.

How am i see my life now ?

Hmmm.. i see it as a new chapter in life. Yes, i am divorce. Yes, i am single. Yes, i am stubborn. Yes, i put high expectation on my next relationship or even on a man. Guess its normal. I don’t wanna rush my self, I’m in a good mood .. I’m in a good life, and how could i waste my next life because of my divorce.

So.. for people out there who are dealing with a bad relationship.. who are not happy with their relationship.. who are afraid of taking the other way, my suggestion to you :

1. Divorce is not a dead end. Its not a best way either a bad way. You decide.

2. When you are stay in a relationship, make sure you are happy in it.

3. There is no “too old” or “too late” to create the life you want.

4. Be Independent doesn’t mean you are strong and dependent doesn’t prove that you are weak. Cause live a life after divorce is more than a feeling. Its a will for a better healthy you.

5. There are times in that process that makes you confuse about which decision to take, follow your inner voice. It took me few years to decide it.

6. Take that decision when you are ready not when you are hurt.

7. Knowing what you want but have no courage to live it, its a big suffering.

8. Even a strong independent woman can struggle for divorce, so you are allowed to feel sad.

9. Being strong doesn’t mean that you are never cry or sad. Cause “strong” is an action while “sad” is a feeling. We both know that feeling come and go.

10. There is no “best way” or “best decision” for every relationship. What best for me maybe wont work for you. Whatever you decide it, please.. make sure that you are happy. Cause you are more precious than the “age”.

Well, i know it wont work for anyone. Im still on process manage my new life. Im not that young for divorce, but I already wasted my 35 years only to find out what i want in life, what makes me happy and im still have another 35 years waiting for me. I am truly happier with my life. Is that life should be ? To Be Happy !!

A Letter from a woman to a woman like me

Surat dari wanita untuk wanita seperti saya ..A letter from a woman to a woman like me ..
Menjadi sukses itu mudah, hanya dengan keyakinan, konsisten dan kerja keras maka akan bisa menuju sukses. Menghabiskan waktu lebih daripada yang dihabiskan wanita lain. Memilih untuk tidak mengikuti kegiatan hang-out karena ada laporan yang harus dikerjakan. Tidur lebih malam karena masih ada berkas yang harus disiapkan besok hari.. Yang tidak mudah adalah pandangan orang akan kesuksesan wanita. Bahwa apa yang kita miliki adalah support dari pasangan kita.. bahwa apa yang kita raih dikarenakan fisik kita.. bahwa apa yang kita capai saat ini dikarenakan koneksi dari mereka yang menyukai kita ..

Menjadi cantik itu mudah, hanya dengan tidur cukup dan memiliki hati yang bersyukur. Namun saat berkumpul bersama wanita lain, kecantikan kita dianggap selalu kurang. Kurang putih, kurang tirus, kurang mancung, kurang kurus, kurang halus, kurang kencang, kurang tajam, kurang bersih, dll.. Tolak ukur cantik didasarkan pada gambar model wanita di majalah atau televisi..

Menjadi wanita itu mudah, setelah melewati tahap menstruasi , usia 18tahun, menikah, memiliki anak. Sama hal nya dengan menjadi seorang istri atau ibu. Menjadi seorang istri berarti telah menikah dan memiliki suami. Menjadi seorang ibu cukup mudah, hanya dengan melahirkan maka akan menjadi ibu. Namun bagaimana dengan mereka yang memilih untuk tidak menikah namun memiliki anak? … lingkungan pun berbicara …

Dear Woman,

When you tried your best but people still take advantage of you..

When you love with all your heart but your loved one still cheat on you ..

When you reach your success but other questioning it ..

When you lost your kid but end up with a broken marriage ..

Here to a woman like me ..

You are enough .. you are pretty enough .. you are lovely enough .. you are strong enough .. you are smart enough .. and You, You are enough ..

And She Spoke About Death

Just watched the movie “ the allure of the tears”.. its inspired me to ask my self, whats my list before i die.Usually i dont like to talk or share my thought about something scary but death is not a scary thing. Its just a part of life. So, I challenge my self to ask the question about death. And i will answer it based on my thought.

In 35th yo, i’ve been through many things. Not only the bad times but a good time also. Things arent perfect, life isnt fair. I learn to understand the key of life. Well, sometimes knowing is not enough. Its hard to apply it..

If someone ask me, what if this is the last day of your life? … 

How i respond it? Should i respond or should i answer it?.. my dad passed away because of heart cancer. Many things i hvnt said and done with him.. I keep blame my self if i could have more time with him.. if i could bring him anywhere he wants.. But there is a day i think all of these and i said to my self “i am enough”.. what i did to him.. what i did so far..

Same way when i lost my baby.. i have lots of pain and regret.. keep blaming my self until now and keep telling my self “if i could see it coming..” but then i realized, all are about the REGRET. What’s dragged us down is a regret.. cause we think there is a better way.. we think there is another option.. we think there is another choice.. AT THAT TIME..

But no matter how we regret all of those things, it wont take you anywhere.. you will still stand where you are.. and you change nothing.

I ever ask my self, what if tomorrow never come? Am i already did my best? Am i already satisfy with what i am, who i am, and how i live right now? And the question is : YES, I AM. I am enough. I did the best i can so far (even its not my very best).. i learn to control my self, i try to enjoy the life, i try to live my life to the fullest.

Once I said my self that “I wanna life my life at the fullest”, one of my closest friend think that i am arrogant. Well, i just said “what if there s no tomorrow?”. Life should be enjoy isnt it? You work for a money, you are lost your time for money.. and then, what you gonna do with your money? Would you be happy only to get the money? Even i understand that we need money for living. But put a thing as our priority will not bring peace and happiness in our life.

So, i promise my self.. i will live my life well since nothing is permanent in life. Everything just temporary. Sadness , happiness, success, love, marriage.. its all temporary. Its just about how you re going to live your life. And what im going to learn now is to have a courage !! a courage to live my life the way i like.. a courage to love a person even it will bring me pain.. a courage to do good things even one day it will turn to bad things.. a courage to trust a person even one day they will betray you.. a courage to speak up your mind even its againts other.. a courage to get up after fall many times..

And when the time is come.. i have no fear.. i have no regret.. cause i live my life to the fullest with my courage.

And now, how about you? How you wanna live the rest of your life if you know if there is tomorrow?

Have a long weekend people 😁😁

Happy Easter 2017

Yesterday i felt so bad.. throw back the time and all the difficult time i am struggle still.. I keep questioning God, why all those things happened to me.. seems like life isnt fair (to me)..
But this morning, When i open my eyes. I realize, life isnt that bad.. and it shouldnt be fair. People come and go in your life, thats normal. And whats the meaning of life without problem in it.
Maybe God need to remove some toxic people in your life so you hv a better view..

Maybe God put you in a hard situation because he want to strengthen you.. to make you believe on his plan..

Maybe God give you a wrong people so you can learn from them until he will send you the right one so you could appreciate more..
This morning when i woke up, i feel so blessed. Over my problems, I believe God put me in this situation with a purpose. To sharpen my faith, to lower my ego, to believe in Him, to let him take control.
you will may have a bad day, big debt, broken relationship or unhealthy body. But HE is the cure. 
So I wanna say “Thank You Lord” for everything that happen into my life. For friends, job, health, problem, for everything.
Im so grateful !! God is Good, and everything will be in His Time cause I believe He has something better for me .. and for you
Happy Easter Everyone

God Bless you 😇🙏🏻

January 13th 2017

I throw back my life for what i’ve been through so far..And actually i realize there s no guarantee in life..
People change.. change because they’ve been hurt too much .. because they have a new chapter.. because they learn their mistake or because thats the only thing they have ..
People come and go.. some come because of a new intention .. some because feel click to you..

Some because they are attracted to you or maybe wanna save you..
Some go because they think its time to let go.. or maybe because they found someone/something more interesting/new.. some because they just think to change their life..
Been around with several people this past few years.. been hang out with several group with some “name/interest”.. all just makes me realize.. no group have same interest.. just a few people.. and thats make a group inside a group..
Been close with some people but its make me realize, people will got close to you when they think you could contribute something in your life .. in any way.. 
People come people go .. some stay .. some leave .. some change.. some keep the same .. some stay humble .. some become arrogant.. some lose weight.. some gain weight .. some are success.. some have their difficult time..
Money – People – Enviroment – Spouse – Death – Career – Group – Love – Hate – Birth
You cant choose what happen to you but u can choose how you react over it. I dont trust people easily.. you cant count on someone.. the only person who could help you out is your self. People surround you come to brighter your day once you already have your bright day. So its should start from you..
Do not let people in if they are not add value into your life. I dont make time if its doesnt make me happy, better or money. I’ve learned.. i’ve developed..
And i hope you too …


Jangan Panggil Aku Cina (2)

Hari ini 16 Desember 2016..

Semalam menerima comment di tulisan “Jangan Panggil Aku Cina” yang sudah di tulis dan published 12 Januari 2013. Yes, its nearly 4 years tapi masih aja ada yang comment. Comment nya ga selalu positive (and i dont know why… i dont even said bad things there)…

well anyway, its people opinion anyway..

So hari ini tiba-tiba aja mau nulis whats on my mind.. Apalagi kasus AHOK yang lagi hangat dibicarakan di Indonesia. I dont write this in purpose, its all about write on my mind, totally about my story and my perspective.
Kind of surprising when ​i still received comment on my post. And quite shocking when they react “bad”.. cause for me it’s just an opinion and something i’ve been through.

Well, kehidupan SARA rasanya selalu melekat pada kita (i mean to all people here).. sama kayak di luar negeri “black & white”, sampai ada beberapa film yang dibuat sehubungan dengan itu, contoh Django atau The help.

Mungkin sebenarnya di Indonesia pun sama, ada klasikal seperti itu antara pribumi dan keturunan (sering banget disebut “cina”). Atau menyebutkan suku “batak”, “bugis”, “jawa” “sunda”, dll dkk..
Once, me and my friends talk about “labeling” on people. Like “what if one day your son/daughter married with non-Chinese?”.. a simple question but many opinion. Which is thats their right but we just try to think objective. My friend answer “i dont care if my son married a black woman as long as she is nice and the love each other” -> she live in USA btw.. and the other friend of mine said the same also.. Well, let me told you story about my family..
I was born in Lampung , yes my parents are Chinese (but i dont speak Chinese / mandarin). I spent my elementary at “SD. TAMAN SISWA” (ga tau ini negeri apa swasta, yang pasti ada pelajaran agama katolik dan islam nya -> cuma beda kelas. jadi kalau katolik di kelas A, kalau islam di kelas B”. Not many chinese there. So i called it “mixed school”.. hahaha.. Then i moved to Pontianak, West Borneo, I studied at Santa Maria (SMP) and Santo Petrus (SMA), yes mayoritas chinese (what you expect soalnya populasinya emang 50-50), tapi bukan cuma chinese aja, ada orang melayu, ada orang jawa, ada orang dayak (multi culture isnt it?). That’s where i realized kalau Chinese itu ga semuanya kaya.. mereka ada yg rumahnya kayu, cuci baju di sungai, even pengemis juga chinese.. (you can go there if you not trust me).. -> ketahuilah, tidak semua “chinese” itu sukses.. some are not..
Then I moved to Semarang .. this is hmmmm unique city.. hahaha because i dont feel “chinese” here.. they dont have strong culture like Pontianak. They not celebrate Chinese New Year like in Pontianak, they are more “Indonesian”. I used to called “aiie” or “asuk” for chinese aunty and uncle and “om & tante” for non chinese. But here, they all called “om” & “tante”, except the strong chinese (kita sebutnya sih chinese totok,, hahaha..). Well, Semarang lebih melebur daripada Pontianak, mungkin karena banyak pendatang dan Chinese bukan mayoritas ( i dont know exactly) and thats not my point here..
I can say that my family just multi culture and ras. My aunty, she’s married with Javanese man. My uncle married with “Ambon” woman. The other uncle, he married with “Javanese”. I married with Canadian man, he was married with “Javanese” woman before and they have a son (and its my son as well).. So i have a mixed son (which is he s not chinese) and i love him… And they all a part of me.. they all my family. chinese / not chinese is not a main problem.. attitude is the problem..
Just because you’re not the same race like me, doesnt mean you are not a good people. My best friend is not chinese. She is javanese and I love her. Why keep putting label on people. They are not asked to born with a dark skin, small body or even chinese eyes (baca : sipit). And when you keep put label on people, you are not CHANGE anything.. You will bring the same situation and condition in the next 20 or 30 years. Our next generation will still labeling people, is that what you want ?
So, can we just break all the chains ? Biarlah sampai pada hari ini saja.. pada masa ini saja.. pada generasi kita saja.. Anak-anak kita, generasi penerus kita berhak mendapatkan free will to choose, with who they want to have relationship with.. with who they wanna share their story with.. If its not us, who else ? if its not now, then when ?
STOP LABELING PEOPLE (with their religion, race or skin), THEY ARE NOT A BOTTLE !!
Happy Weekend Everyone
Peace & Love,


Nice to watch !! Society put label on us, but its just us !! 

Just Be You and it’s enough

You dont need to be perfect, life isnt perfect anyway..

You dont need to be good in everything, just be good in one thing..

You dont need to smile when your heart is crying, its your emotion anyway..

You dont need to say “yes” when your inner voice say “no”..

You dont have to feel failed just because your school mates are having their career.. just be the best version of you..

You dont need to be slim just to feel happy.. just be in which size you’re comfortable with.. it’s your body anyway..

You dont need to compare your skin to others.. some lighter.. some darker.. but you, you are glowing..

You dont need to be like other, you are you.. you just perfect the way you are..

Have a wonderful friday,


Your body