Tulisan ini berawal dari sekitar seminggu yang lalu saat saya berkumpul dengan group “ibu-ibu” di salah satu resto. Kemudian ada seorang Ibu berkata “hari ini tepat 15 tahun pernikahan ku loh”. Yang pasti, kami langsung memberikan ucapan selamat kepadanya.  Kemudian si Ibu pun bercerita mengenai perjalanan perkawinannya yang mengikuti grafik kehidupan (up and down)…

Pembicaraan ini akhirnya membuat saya berfikir (lebih ke intropeksi diri) bahwa sebenarnya pernikahan itu bukanlah sesuatu yang datang dengan tiba-tiba dan memberikan kebahagiaan kekal seperti yang kita inginkan. Bahkan lama-nya waktu berpacaran juga tidak menjamin bahwa pernikahan akan berjalan sukses tanpa gelombang.

Sampai saat ini, saya dan pasangan telah menjalin hubungan sekitar 4,5thn (dan baru saja diresmikan 13 bulan yang lalu) dan sampai saat ini kami masih mempelajari karakter masing-masing, masih mencoba untuk bernegosiasi dengan keinginan masing-masing, masih berusaha untuk berdamai dengan diri sendiri.

Seringkali saat terjadi permasalahan dalam hubungan kita, yang pertama kali kita tanyakan adalah “Did I marry a right person”? dan saat masalah terasa tidak ada jalan keluarnya, cara satu-satunya yang terfikirkan adalah “cut it off”. Sesuatu yang mudah diucapkan namun sebenarnya sulit dilakukan. Saya sempat bertanya dengan salah satu teman yang sudah bercerai, bagaimana “perasaannya” setelah bercerai. Kemudian dia menjawab “saya menyesal. Jika saya pikirkan sekarang, sebenarnya masalah itu dapat diselesaikan. Namun pada saat itu, semua masalah terasa begitu berat dan tidak ada jalan keluarnya. Saya merasa keSABARan saya sudah habis. Dan sekarang saya menyadari bahwa sebenarnya SABAR itu tidak ada batasnya. Hanya saja terkadang kita berada pada suatu titik terbawah yang membuat kita mengambil suatu kesimpulan bahwa kita sudah tidak kuat lagi”.

Berdasarkan pengalaman teman saya, akhirnya saya mengambil suatu pelajaran bahwa “sabar” itu memang tidak berbatas. Bahwa disaat kita berada pada titik terbawah dari suatu hubungan, hendaknya kita beristirahat sejenak, mundur jika perlu, namun janganlah memutuskan sesuatu. Saya pernah membaca suatu artikel mengenai pernikahan, bahwa yang dibutuhkan dalam menjalankan suatu pernikahan adalah “sabar” dan “kompromi”.

Saya bukanlah ahli pernikahan, saya pun masih bernegosiasi dengan permasalahan dalam pernikahan kami dan sampai saat ini saya pun masih belajar untuk mengembangkan semua potensi diri saya untuk menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik lagi. Namun yang terpenting, Saya selalu mengingat janji pernikahan yang kami ucapkan di depan altar.

Jika ada diantara kalian yang sedang mempertanyakan “Did I marry a right person”, saya punya artikel yang mungkin dapat memberikan “insight” dalam hubungan kalian.

Enjoy !!!

^_^ Lala

* DID I MARRY A RIGHT PERSON *

Author: Unknown

An article all the married and the single should read to maintain a lasting union in life

This is a very good article. read it. Those who are still single may learn something from here…. Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage…. DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?” I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind. Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.”

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling

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